Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
