I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
