I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
