ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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