How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
