why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
