I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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