Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
