it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
