I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
