Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
