I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
