I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
