Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
