my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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