we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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