shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
