Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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