What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
