I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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