walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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