In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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