Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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