Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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