Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
