what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize