dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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