It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize