my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
