he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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