I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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