remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
