I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize