Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many