Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.