then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
it's great music for shaving your balls
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours