Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize