thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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