I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
