You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
