batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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