recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
