Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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