Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
