just come out here and I will go home with you...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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