we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
