bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
