Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
