Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
