Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
