So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
