I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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