I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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