I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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