I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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