there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
