So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
