Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
