You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
