Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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