Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
