epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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