My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
