I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
