I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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