Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
