I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
