Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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