And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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