A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
operation have a gay friend backfired
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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