how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
