genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He kissed a someone with a penis
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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