Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
