Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
