I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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