Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
