If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
