I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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