I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
