Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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