The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need water and some morals
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
