my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
