i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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