Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
