I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
