We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
